Why Men Hurt Women and Other Reflections on Love, Violence and Masculinity

Author(s):
  • Publication Date: September 2022
  • Dimensions and Pages: 234 x 156mm Extent: 288pp
  • Paperback EAN: 9781776147632
  • eBook EAN: 9781776147656
  • PDF EAN: 9781776147663
  • Rights: World
  • Recommended Price (ZAR): 350
  • Recommended Price (USD): 30

With a foreword by Raewyn Connell

This is a remarkable book: troubling, moving and inspiring.
— From the foreword by Raewyn Connell, Professor Emerita, University of Sydney, and author
of Masculinities and Gender: In World Perspective

In this eloquently written and engaging book, leading masculinity scholar Kopano Ratele
reflects on not only the role of violence in men’s lives, but also on love and life in its different
shades This book should be required reading for anyone who seeks to understand men and
their relationships.
– Lucas Gottzén, Professor, Department of Child and Youth Studies, Stockholm University

This thought-provoking and accessible book highlights the complexities of men, masculinities
and love.
– Malose Langa, Associate Professor of Psychology, University of the Witwatersrand,
Johannesburg, and author of Becoming Men: Black Masculinities in a South African township

 

A fusion of conversations, observations, and personal reflections on his own experiences,
work with men, and scholarship, Why Men Hurt Women and Other Reflections on Love,
Violence and Masculinity is Kopano Ratele’s meditation on love, violence and masculinity.
This book seeks to imagine the possibility of a more loving masculinity in a society
where structural violence, failures of government and economic inequality underpin
much of the violent behaviour that men display. Enriched with personal reflections on
his own experiences as a partner, father, psychologist and researcher in the field of men
and masculinities, Why Men Hurt Women and Other Reflections on Love, Violence and
Masculinity is Kopano Ratele’s meditation on love and violence, and the way these forces
shape the emotional lives of boys and men.
Blending academic substance and rigour in a readable narrative style, Ratele
illuminates the complex nuances of gender, intimacy and power in the context of the
human need for love and care. While unsparing in its analysis of men’s inner lives, Ratele
lays out a path for addressing the hunger for love in boys and men. He argues that
just as the beliefs and practices relating to gender, sexuality and the nature of love are
constantly being challenged and revised, so our ideas about masculinity, and men’s and
boys’ capacity to show genuine loving care for each other and for women, can evolve.

Keywords: Male violence; men’s violence; male power; patriarchy; manhood;
parenting; self-actualisation; evolutionary psychology; social psychology; genderbased
violence; rape; GBV; male rape; feminism; sexuality; toxic masculinity; liberating
masculinities; Ubuntu; books on boys and men; masculinity studies

The publication of this volume was supported by funding from the National Institute for the Humanities and Social Sciences (NIHSS)  

Foreword by Raewyn Connell

PART 1: LOVE
1. Why do women love men?
2. One ear turned inward and the other outward
3. Love needs
4. We can change how we love, but not without changing how we fight
5. Love hunger shows itself in many acts, and violence may be one of them
6. Why there is no love in the Plan
7. I love you, but I wish to hurt you
8. To love is to receive and to give
9. Talking matters
10. Listening carefully is an articulate act of love in action
11. Must love hurt?
12. The world is not yet ready for loving black boys
13. Producing and embodying the loving images we want of ourselves
14. If women stopped caring for men

PART 2: VIOLENCE
15. ‘I am more scared of them’
16. Men who speak with fists
17. Violence wears many faces
18. ‘Brothers, check yourselves!’
19. ‘I have never raped anyone’ is not an achievement
20. Why is there violence where we expect to find love?
21. Really nice guys
22. ‘There was nothing suspicious about him’
23. They don’t teach about sexual consent at university or at home
24. Jeanne and Emmanuel
25. Is the lesbian an alibi for an untenable model of masculinity?
26. Will we reduce rates of rape of women and children when we cannot
face prison rape?

PART 3: MASCULINITY
27. Trying to transform men is not a futile exercise, but it is slow and difficult
work
28. A few key ideas to consider when thinking about men and changing
masculinity
29. The politician told students you can’t ask for money from somebody who
raped you
30. ‘Dad, look at me’
31. ‘I have never hit a woman’ gets you no loving man award
32. Before death, before conception, in the many in-between moments,
then repeat
33. Baldwin was a full man
34. The masculinity of a man who is a boy
35. Mr President, end patriarchy?
36. When work gets in the way of emotional connections
37. Love cannot escape power
38. What’s up with all this attention given to boys?
39. The fact of lovelessness in why men hurt others
40. Inheriting and passing down a loving masculinity
Acknowledgements
Index

Kopano Ratele is a South African psychologist and men and masculinities studies scholar. He is Professor of Psychology at the University of Stellenbosch and Head of the Stellenbosch Centre for Critical and Creative Thought. Among his previously published books are Liberating Masculinities (2016) and The World Looks Like This From Here: Thoughts on African Psychology (2019).

This is a remarkable book: troubling, moving and inspiring.
— From the foreword by Raewyn Connell, Professor Emerita, University of Sydney, and author
of Masculinities and Gender: In World Perspective

In this eloquently written and engaging book, leading masculinity scholar Kopano Ratele
reflects on not only the role of violence in men’s lives, but also on love and life in its different
shades This book should be required reading for anyone who seeks to understand men and
their relationships.
– Lucas Gottzén, Professor, Department of Child and Youth Studies, Stockholm University

This thought-provoking and accessible book highlights the complexities of men, masculinities
and love.
– Malose Langa, Associate Professor of Psychology, University of the Witwatersrand,
Johannesburg, and author of Becoming Men: Black Masculinities in a South African township

 

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